Monday, August 6, 2012

Learning Not to Care...

I've been working some months now on a poem called "Understood in Elysium."  It's still not quite done.

These flowers don't care who I vote for.  Yet another reason why flowers are awesome people.

So, I really need to learn to stop paying attention and trying to get involved in what other people care about and just be cool with doing my own thing.

It's a problem I've had forever: I want to be cool.  Desperately.  But I don't feel like I am.

That laughing 16-year-old thinks she's hideous and unpopular.  One of my old friends posted a bunch of pictures from high school on Facebook.  It was neat to see them because I don't have any of my own.  They were largely destroyed when I got disowned by my mom not long after my grandma died.  That fur stole is my grandma's - she let me borrow it for junior prom.
One problem is that I don't think cool and popular are measurable.  I was invited to going shooting, line dancing, going to the county fair and hiking at Chena Lake by different friends I've made up here all summer.

I couldn't go because I was sick - really sick, when I moved I was a hacking mess sick - but I was invited all the same.  And I do go out when invited.  Does that make me popular?  I don't know.

I worry about it a lot.  Maybe everybody does and they just don't talk about it.

So... note to self: focus on science, poetry and having fun, less on what other people think of me.

Sounds... easy?......


  1. Maybe you're not old enough. For some of us, you get to a certain age and decide, that at some fundamental level, you don't give a flying f@#$ about what other people think, especially those who aren't family or close friends.

    1. Thanks. :-) The hardest thing is stopping the reflexive "I can change someone's mind!" thing.

      I have to grow out of that or I won't get my contract renewed (just got Visiting Assistant Professor. Yeah!)

      I just need to learn to bite my tongue and say to myself "Their mind is not going to change. You're just hurting their feelings and/or alienating them."