So I'm sitting at a train station, drinking a skinny mocha (triple shot, what else?), waiting to walk to church. Although, perhaps interestingly, not waiting for a train.
First, the walking: my car broke down. Pretty sure it's the transmission due to the fact that it will turn over but won't back up.
I could hitch a lift, but this part of my massive, mind blowing experiment of "can I live without a car?" I'm curious. I lived without a car for years, first in the city (Chicago), then in Europe.
On the church:
Today I'm getting confirmed.
Yup, I am gonna be a Lutheran. Why "Lutheran" and not "Catholic" could have its own lengthy post. However, the easiest way to summarize it is "I really, really like my church." I'm not 100% much else matters.
It's not really a "congratulations" thing. I feel a bit torn about it, actually. A little down as well: I'm writing a grant pre-proposal (to get a grant to learn to write a grant to get a grant... it is no mystery to me why the government is running out of money.) The pre-portion will likely be funded. The grant will not. And I'm not sure if I'm going to get the promotion (my job is about to disappear and a new type of job replacing it.)
On David: I miss David. David Kaczynski.
I helped him with his death penalty stuff for a while and he was... well, let's just say "super patient and nice to me." Which is what I needed.
But now I suppose there's no "reason" for a connection. So... I guess... that's over.
(Crap, I made myself sad. Which I suppose is okay because I'm Christian, not Buddhist [whole "impermanence" thing], but is not okay because I'm really sad.)
My husband won't be at my confirmation. Which is okay, I suppose, because he's an atheist/agnostic/something that doesn't like church. I could invite my friend Tom, but it feels weird. My father-in-law is coming. It's complicated but I'm not sure I want him there. I could ask the pastor to do it in private, but I already told my father-in-law.
On the job: at least even if I don't get the job, I can say I was a professor for two years before moving on with my journey. (Another complicated thing is "Do I WANT the job?" Because one of the things that sparked an existential crisis in me is that I have never met a more touchy, miserable group of humans than university faculty. No joke. Every single one of them does not get enough "respect" in their opinion. And they're miserable. One attacked the department head.
(I went shopping at Jewel, a grocery store I used to work at, and I remembered how much fun I had there. No money, but man... it was fun. They were nice. People talked and weren't stuck up. Also: I really freaking hate writing grants. Hate it. And so do all faculty. Confusing.)
And so... should start walking to church soon...
From the Wilderness,