I didn't get the job.
So, I found out this is my last semester as a professor. The clincher surprised me.
Apparently I was in the last 3 candidates when my evaluations came through. Even though I scored really well on things like "Did I learn a lot from this course?" and "The course followed the outlined objectives" and "Material was returned to me promptly with valuable feedback," I received low interpersonal relationship scores ("Does the instructor value me as a student?" "Did I feel comfortable coming to the professor?")
That's... hard.
I kind of knew I didn't like science. But the idea that I'm not valuable as a teacher is something of a shock.
It shouldn't be. Even though my superiors love me (or at least gave me amazing recommendations), I'm not really particularly skilled at communication. People perceive me as critical and judgmental.
I'm not sure who I am if I'm not a scientist or a teacher.
from everything you've said about yourself, I suspect you ARE a scientist. your interpersonal...quirkiness may have made it difficult for others to appreciate you as a teacher.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry it hasn't worked out. But you do have skills; I've learned a lot from you.
Funny addendum to the story:
DeleteI was crying last night. Pretty hard. And so I went through my emails of my students. And it's loaded with things like this:
Hello Dr. Honeycutt,
I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for all of the help you offered me throughout the semester. I really appreciate it and just know that I consider everything that I learned in your course to be very valuable. Thank you once again and have a great break!
And it's not just that one student. I have scores of those emails.
I co-taught with another instructor, however, who had no office hours, never met with a student, and never answered a single student email.
And some part of me wonders if that 2/5 score - with absolutely no 4's or 5's - actually belongs to him.